I feel a heaviness this morning that has been building for quite some time. I use the same tools daily to shake this heaviness but still it keeps mounting. I make my grateful list and it is extensive . I take my wood road walks and they are a gift. I try my best to see my glass half full and most days I can. But what about the days I want to smash my glass against a wall and scream . Or the days I want to hide, to walk or run away from all the worry and heartache. What about those days when I can’t get out of my own way. A missing writer in Fredericton is on my mind. I don’t know him but hear all the worry and concern in the voices of those who do. Where is he and is he OK? Has he succumbed to the heaviness? I feel the sadness of the first year anniversary of loosing Dad and Gladys. I feel the strain and stress of family tension and I want that heaviness to lift. I want to feel hope , optimism, joy and see joy and hope in the people around me. I believe this is a stressful time for so many. We are caught up in the drama and frightening happenings south of the border and lots of concerning situations in our own country. We are daily reminded of the pandemic and all the changes and challenges that brings. I was reluctant to write this entry this morning , reluctant to admit to my present state of mind. I do know it is not all about me. I know all the things I know and still struggle to pull myself out of the funk I feel. The sun shines bright and I know there are better days ahead. I know things could be so much worse and this too shall pass. I know feeling sorry for myself doesn’t help one little bit. Complaining and whining doesn’t help at all. I know all this and I know sometimes just putting the words down helps a bit. I want the heaviness to lift for more than just me.
