I am home alone this morning. These days, that doesn’t happen very often. Our Christmas turkeys have flown the coop. I will miss their meandering. (but not their droppings)I walked down to get Nellie. What a still and lovely December morning it is. While I was making my coffee a lively and catchy tune sung by The Once from Newfoundland was playing on CBC.I borrowed the title of the song for my blog entry this morning and had the song in my head as I walked down the driveway. I won’t do Christmas without you. I thought of who we will be doing Christmas without. Nadine, Zac, Nan, Gram and Gramps, Leonard the people in our life that have left us. And the people who won’t be right here with us. Meg, Cody, Emma , Paige, Mom and Dad. We don’t really do Christmas without any of them because all the Christmases we were together are part of this Christmas as well. Traditions and memories are the fabric of Christmas in our homes and hearts. Doing Christmas can be a challenge but I choose to see it as a privilege instead. I would do it differently if it were up to me. I would create a Christmas with my Dad bringing us our stockings. My Dad would be surprising me with my first sewing machine. I would pull out the present from under the tree that had ‘love Gram and Gramps’ on the tag and my teenage self would be hit with the truth that my scary and sometimes judgemental grandmother loved me. I would prop up my 20 day old baby in his plastic chair as Burton and I opened our presents. I would watch a two year old Zac open his presents in the little shed we built and lived in in hopeful optimism before we bought the trailer and built the house. I would stand before the tree , the cordwood walls still exposed on our first Christmas in our house. I would stand back and watch my four kids hang their ornaments every Christmas Eve. I would wipe up the sour milk poor Caleb puked all over himself on the time the whole family went on Burton’s Christmas Eve run. I would hear Zac sing ‘So This is Christmas” creating his own lyrics and a family favorite every year. I would open the plaque Nadine gave me the first Christmas that now has a place of honor in our home. I would walk down to Chapin and Brianne’s the first Christmas Eve we joined her family for munchies. I would watch Emma and Paige open presents, Paige basically wading through wrapping paper oblivious to the presents. I would watch the poor taxi driver drive up with to Megan’s with Caleb’s luggage and a very spoiled turkey. I would visit every Christmas and do it all over again. That is what we do. All our Christmases meld together. Of course it is hard to have missing loved ones but the times together can not be taken from us. All hearts come home for Christmas.